How to Write a Complaint Letter
July 7th, 2008 at 11:53 pm (How to Complain Properly)
God ****ing damn it! Why the **** won’t this piece of **** work?! I paid good money for this hunk of junk and now its just lying broken on my ****ing floor! ****! Anger followed by an appropriate string of expletives is common immediately after a consumer finds out that he or she has purchased a faulty product. However, most people do not have the energy, or willpower to go the store and argue with a completely disinterested sales clerk. This is how the complaint letter was invented. This allowed disgruntled buyers the ability to complain from the safety and comfort of their couch. Unfortunately for the disgruntled buyer, simply stating “I hate you and your product sucks” is not an acceptable, or useful, form of a complaint letter.
Firstly, complaint letters should be polite in the wording. While it seems counter-intuitive for an angry customer to be polite, the act of attempting to be courteous will go a long way in persuading the manufacturer to listen to your criticism. Secondly, you must describe the problem in great detail. They will completely ignore your complaint if you have no idea what you are talking about. Play with the item for a while and read the manuals. Having them reply with “you should have probably switched it on first” is pretty embarrassing, so make sure you are knowledgeable about the product you are bashing. In addition, make sure you collect all the numbers and codes you will need to provide. While these product tags are hard to locate, they’re the items that will make your claim more valid. Be sure to let them know that you want compensation. Even if all you receive is a free bag of chips, you still come out on top. Companies don’t want to have a disgruntled customer base so letting them know that the key to your happiness, and to possible future purchases, is compensation will prompt them to respond in a kindly fashion.
Lastly, make sure to use multiple mediums of communication! While you don’t want to badger them, you definitely want to be a big enough nuisance that you are noticed. Make sure you call and talk to an actual human representative because companies love diverting customers to computer programs which can’t understand human frustration and will make you press a series of numbers that don’t help you accomplish anything. On a final note, make sure to never stop; you got a crappy product, you deserve compensation! Don’t stop complaining to the company until you get something free in return.